What does it mean “to judge” someone?

What does it mean “to judge” someone?
It means to continually view them through the eyes of the past.

I had an unpleasant interaction with my brother.
He said very hurtful things.
He was vicious.
It leaves a deep mark on me, in my psyche, in my memory.
I am deeply wounded, it seems hurt beyond repair.
I deep down love my brother.
When people we love turn on us the would is deep.

My unwillingness to remain with my own hurt and look at it causes those hurt feelings to repeatedly turn over and churn my mind over time, continually recollecting, re re-remembering and brewing slowly like a caldron.

My hurt gestates into loathing & hatred for my brother.
Wow… yes, hatred for my brother.

This generally doesn’t seem like a “good” thing.
This then leads me to the alternative of “remaining with my hurt.”

When we are wounded deeply the pain is immense.
AS HUMANS we generally tend to avoid pain don’t we?
Of course there are some who seem to be completely numb to pain, and I imagine these would be the psychopaths.

However, if I recognize that it’s not a sane thing to hate my brother-or to hate anyone for that matter-there’s nothing else to do but remain with the hurt.
The hurt and pain of betrayal.
The pain of betrayal is deep and lasting.

So now, every time I think of my brother the memory of the experience that caused tremendous hurt is also brought to the forefront such that, eventually all he becomes to me is a living, walking, breathing, embodiment and manifestation of hurt and pain.
That past eventually becomes an all encompassing consuming “veil of hurt and hatred” for me, for my eyes.

In order for all this to occur, it requires judgement.
A judgement that must also require a comparison.
A comparison that requires memory.

Judgment requires memory.
Judgment fetches memories, and compares their contents as well as to the present.
No wonder we develop amnesia.
No wonder we become desensitized, unsympathetic, uncaring, unfeeling, cold, inhumane, and isolated.

My brother exists inside of me as the sum total of the memory of all my experiences, remembrances, and interactions with him, with the most hurtful memories having a disproportionate weight in the summation.
The only memory of my brother that seems to matter the most to me is the hurtful one.
Why?
Because it “shouldn’t have” happened.
This is all common to us all isn’t it?

An additional thing is also seen here, that there’s really no way to undo hurt because what was ‘done’ can never be ‘undone.’

Hurt says “what happened should have never have happened”, or “what didn’t happen should have happened.”

So what is “should/shouldn’t?”
What is implied in “should/shouldn’t?”
We seem, in effect, to be saying to ourselves “this memory shouldn’t be here” which, of course, must first re-create the memory in order for it not to exist.
SO THE MEMORY MUST CONTINUE TO EXIST IN ORDER TO SATISFY THE DEMAND FOR IT NOT TO EXIST.

There seems to be a “setting” in the psyche that say’s “family members ‘should’ be trustworthy and honorable.”
Which then, conflicts with reality.
Reality says family members are not necessarily ‘trustworthy’ and ‘reliable.’

I continually ‘expect’ and ‘demand’ that what happened shouldn’t have happened.
I’m expecting and demanding that what’s going on in reality should conform to what’s in my head, to what’s going on in my head, to my preferences.
So there’s a permanent conflict/pain/hatred generating thought setting there that says “family members should be honorable.” Not sure where it came from, but it is there. So when reality conflicts with this setting then there is pain, then there is suffering, and so why have this setting at all?
We’re constantly engaged in trying to make the outer conform to the inner, to our ‘preferences’ and where exactly does this get us?

So, to sum up, “to judge”, means “to condemn.”
To live in judgement, means to live in condemnation for BOTH, “the condemned” AND “the one doing the condemning.”
🙏🌹😔