Overwhelmed By Grief
Tonight, my brothers and sisters, I come to you raw — overrun and overwhelmed by Grief.
Tonight my little guy is very sick. I can barely type. He has C\congestive heart failure and he’s pretty old I guess. I’m not really sure how old he is because he was a rescue, but he’s got some of those “old dog” cataracts.
Anyway, his condition acts up from time-to-time and then we treat it with meds/TLC etc., but this time he’s on the max dose of his meds and he doesn’t seem to be responding…, not 100% sure as I’m not presently with him. I haven’t been with him since February of this year. Long story, but he’s about 1300+ miles away with his mom right now and I miss him like crazy.
Just the thought of not being able to ever see him again is effecting me in a way I’ve never known before. I never felt such love and warmth from an animal as I do from Bailey. Dare I say…, it’s almost as if he has “human energy” as I recall hugging him. I could feel the purity of the love that flowed from him, it was like water in the desert.
He can be quite a little shit too. I’ve also never met a dog that could be more spiteful! OMG! Scarily, humanly spiteful! I received a nice bite on one of my fingers that took months and months to heal after I was trying to clean him up a little one day after a “#2.” And the little fucker held-on for dear life too! It seemed to last an eternity with blood squirting out and me yelling. I can still see his face happily chomped down on my little index finger as if to say “See motherfucker…, you see what happens when you don’t respect what I say!” I mean it was just insane!
This dog is probably the most sensitive dog I’ve ever known! This guy know’s when your talking about him, or disrespecting him in any way and he absolutely won’t take anybody’s shit! He is absolutely fearless and he’s like 13 lbs! Again, almost scarily, humanly sensitive. I guess it’s true what they say about poodles, half dog, half human or something like that.
With this dog, I swear to god…, his barks sounded like words to me! He has so much expression, and such vastly different energies between his bark intonations that they translated into words for me! Most of the time he was demanding something(remember… he’s a little shit too! lol). Like “give me some food now!” Or like “acknowledge me you prick!”, or “come here and give me a hug and a kiss you bastard!”.
And then…, in the next moment…, as soon as you go to him he changes to the most sweetest and gentlest of creatures.
I miss his love so much.
I miss holding him.
I miss hugging him.
I miss kissing him(on the head and back!)
When I think about the possibility of loosing him, I invariably then also drift to our entire present human predicament on this planet. How we, humanity is knowingly continuing to destroy all life. And then the grief kicks into another dimension as I think of all the animals and different lifeforms we’re loosing, and are likely to loose. We just don’t see the “connectivity” of all life, so we feel separate, and then we don’t feel responsible because we are under the spell of thought.
I also think that because we feel separate it has a side effect of also making us feel indifferent, apathetic, and powerless to effect a “planetary change.” However, may I just remind you dear reader, that you, and I, and every “individual” go into constituting, or making up the “whole” of humanity. So each and every one of us is the whole, and when any one of us undergoes a radical transmutation in our consciousness, so too does the whole of humanity. So we all have much more power than we could ever imagine.
I feel that we, humanity, are on coarse for unimaginably immense suffering as the loss of all this life continues, until ultimately the loss of life visits our “link” in the great “chain of life”.
May peace be unto you.
